I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
