sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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