Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
