i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
