Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
