I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
