so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
