I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
