We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
