Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
