I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
