Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
