I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
