god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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