Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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