i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
