Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
