I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
