Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
