Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
