Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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