He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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