...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
