Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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