Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
