Apparently you make a good broom.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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