grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
