My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
