remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
