I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
