what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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