She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
jump out the window naked night went bad
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
