The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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