Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
