idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
