Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
