sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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