You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
