Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
