so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
