I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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