Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
