508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
