You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
