I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
