I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
