my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
