my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
