cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
