That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
