I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
try to milk me bitch
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