i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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