he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
