Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm both gender and math confused
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
